Leadership: Father to Son

Mick Daly (Elder, Purpose Leader: Leader Development)
June/July 2008

After leading Stanford to their historic victory over USC, Tavita Pritchard’s coach (former NFL quarterback Jim Harbaugh) called him “a warrior”! What father wouldn’t love to hear that said of his son?!

In The Way of the Wild Heart, subtitled "A Map for the Masculine Journey", John Eldredge says “In the late teens or early twenties emerges the Warrior. This stage may last well into the thirties. He heads off to law school or the mission field. He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it. He learns the rigors of discipline and learns that he must live with courage. It’s the time a man answers the core question: ‘do I have what it takes?” Tavita does, and he knows it, in all humility.

Masculinity is not something that simply happens, but something that is bestowed. A boy learns who he is, and what he is made of, from a man or from a company of men. A man's life is a continual process of initiation as he transitions through the stages of life.

Who does God entrust with the primary responsibility for that process, for ensuring the boy becomes a Warrior? This is the calling of the man’s earthly father – his Dad. Tavita’s Dad, David Pritchard, knows this well.

So many homes and children are fatherless. The physical presence of  a father in the home does not guarantee that the home is not   “father-deprived”, nor that a boy becomes a warrior. Many fathers are emotionally and/or spiritually absent, or abusive. This may be worse than being physically absent.

It must be said that the combined roles of mother and father are vital: only together can they come close to representing their heavenly Father in the family unit, as He designed it.

But when I read “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6), I believe that the father has the lead responsibility for this training.

In their book “Going Public” David Pritchard writes “The Bible says, ‘Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord’ (Eph. 6:4). This does not diminish the role that moms have in raising the kids, of course. But I (David) do find that for some reason, I hold a unique key to our kids’ emotional state. They take a lot of their cues from me. And it is my job to set the pace for their obedience without exasperating them. That is a hazard, I admit. Like many males, I tend to assess a situation quickly, come up with a solution and declare a plan of action—which, by the way, is the final answer and not up for debate! [thanks for your honesty David!] That can be terribly frustrating if my son or daughter feels I haven’t taken all the factors into consideration... Yes, we need to teach obedience, and we will not always win a popularity contest doing so. But we men also need to be aware of the times our kids are exasperated with us, and at least be willing to ask ourselves, Why? The point is not simply to be tough or demanding. We must have no desire to be dictators. The point is rather to follow what God has said is best for kids both inside the home and out—particularly in places such as school.”

This is not intended to send you Dads on a guilt trip. On the contrary, I hope you took the opportunity to learn from David Pritchard himself last month.

When we become fathers most of us struggle because there is no proven “game plan”, "handbook" or "owner's manual”. It’s not surprising then that we have so many questions:

• What should I teach my children?

• What school should I send them to?

• How should I partner with school and church to educate them?

• How can I protect them from 'the world'?

• How do I deal with sibling rivalry?

• What do we do about sex, dating and relationships?

• Are sports and competition good for them?

• How should I discipline them?

• How should I handle bad behavior?

• How can I get them to just obey me?

• How can I NOT exasperate my children?

• What ONE thing would help me be a better father?

Last month the Pritchards helped us Dads (and Moms!) answer these questions and more, and to navigate the often stormy waters of parenthood.

In their Conference on May 10th, David & Kelli Pritchard laid out concrete steps for us to follow to become a better parent. David uniquely spoke to the heart and mind of the fathers, guiding us as we walk our sons from one birthday to the next, from school year to school year, in confidence that God is on your side as you strive to make your son into a warrior that you, He and his coach will be rightly proud of.

I hope you heard them and are follow their advice – the next generation depends on it.

"Do what you love in the service of others who love what you do"